Sunday, October 28, 2007

35 weeks...and more questions

Well, I have made it to 35 weeks...I have lots of swelling in my cankles...yes, cankles, and hands, and I am just feeling really warn out all the time. Now that most everything is in order, I can keep my feet up and hopefully get a nap in once in a while.

I did get most of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped. Even I am amazed at myself. Just the few extra things left that you can't quite buy yet (the Christmas candy isn't out on the shelves).

Matt and I live in one of the best wards, dinner is brought in to us at least once a week, and I have gotten a few random calls to see about bringing in more. I cannot tell you how much I have appreciated those meals. (So for those of you who have or will be bringing us dinner...THANK YOU!!!)

Here are a few more questions we get asked...

Are you having a funeral/memorial service? Yes, we are. We are not sure about all the details yet, but it will be simple. We have such a large support system that we feel like they deserve to feel like part of the grief process also.

Matt's parent's have a burial plot at Saltese Cemetery and they have donated a small portion to the baby. It will be nice to have the baby buried next to family rather than just some random plot.

Will you go the full 40 week term? I can, but i don't think I will get that far. The doctor said that he would induce me anytime after 36 weeks. We thought about it a while back about inducing me early,but decided that we don't want to be the ones to make that decision and the baby can decide on it's own. So, we'll see what happens.

I have been "cursed" with things happening on or finding out on Holidays. My first pregnancy, I found out on Mother's Day, I then found out I would miscarry on the 4th of July, Brinley was born on Easter. We found out on Friday the 13th (I know it's not a holiday, but when we made the appointment, the lady asked if we were superstitious...well, I am now) about this baby having problems, so I figure that we will have a baby on Thanksgiving. That is just how it goes with me. oh yeah, my due date is Dec. 2nd.

Do you want to have more children? Yes, we do. Matt and I have always wanted to have a large family. I can say now that we want to try again, but we will see what the Autopsy says about genetics. I'm not sure if things will change after the baby comes. We will most likely adopt, that is something we have thought about that for years.

How do you feel around other pregnant woman and babies? I am not bothered by other pregnant woman and I love babies! I am excited for them. I can't look at them and not wonder if their baby is healthy. I am very cautious now about going up to someone who is pregnant and saying congratulations, because I don't tell everyone I meet what is going on and usually have a short to the point "are you excited?...yeah, I'm not ready though" conversation. Poor little Brinley gets a really confused look on her face when they ask her, and she usually looks to me for her answer.

I have been through a lot with miscarriages and such, that I think I am past feeling "sorry for myself", and that isn't really the feeling, it's like anger and depression and saddness and wonder all rolled into one.

When my sister Julie found out she was pregnant with Cody, I had just had a miscarriage and she felt bad telling me about it. I was happy for her, but also depressed because I just wanted a baby too. I can't explain the feeling I had. It was like I couldn't control it. I cried a lot.

That is about it for now. I am tired...always tired...and I am going to bed now. Goodnight.

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