the ugly tree

We have this tree in our yard, a Hawthorne, I hate it.

Yesterday I had my 14 year old lawn boy come over to mow the lawn. He wondered if he was able to do some other yard work too, so that he could buy his school clothes and such. I decided that he could trim a few of the smaller branches from the "Ugly Tree", as I have so lovingly named it. Well, the few small branches turned into larger branches which, in no time, turned into taking the 'Ugly Tree' out. I don't think he was expecting the work I got out of him. My amazing dad came by with his chain saw and cut up the wood as we loaded the trailer with the branches and my dad kept the bigger pieces for himself.

The thoughts of my Summers living in Vernal came back to me... Every Saturday my parents would get us up bright and early. We would dress in our finest grubby attire, pack a picnic lunch and cram ourselves into the 'Blue Bomber', our big blue van. My mom would follow my dad up into the Uintah Mountains as he drove the truck pulling an extremely large trailer. We spent most of the morning playing and talking while my dad took down trees and cut them up into pieces small enough for us to carry. Usually this was a time when we would daydream about what we would like our future to hold...it always came to opening up some sort of family business. My dad would then stop for lunch while the rest of us loaded the truck with wood: 2-3 of us piling the wood a little closer to the truck so that the next 2-3 of us could place it on the tailgate for 2 of us to stack into the truck. My dad's lunch breaks didn't last long. He ate and got right back to cutting up more wood. We still had the trailer to load. I am not sure how many cords of wood we could get on the truck and trailer, but it was a lot. We woud then get back into the van and truck and head home. The thought of a hot shower and clean clothes were on everyone's minds. When we pulled up into the driveway, it was time to unload it all and stack it with the rest of that years haul. Not until every last piece of wood was stacked and the trailer put away could we go inside. Those Saturday's hold some of my favorite memories growing up. And I believe if you ask any of my 5 siblings, they would tell you the same. I thank my dad for having such a great work ethic.

This morning I borrowed my dad's truck. With the girls in tow, we dropped off the first of 2 loads at the transfer station. Driving in the truck with my girls, me dressed in grubs and they in the first thing I found to throw on them this morning, brought back some memories of when I was little and the chosen, one or two, of us got to ride with my dad to the dump. We loved getting out of the truck to explore other peoples trash, without touching it, of course. We usually stopped off at the gas station on the way home for a pop and a treat. I didn't stop at a gas station today. But it was fun to watch Brinley doing the same thing I did as a child, asking questions about other people's stuff.

one in the morning.

It's one in the morning. I can't sleep.

I had an AWESOME weekend, then came home and have been in a bit of a funk since Monday. I have been irritable, emotional, exhausted, frustrated, blah, blah, blah.

"What is going on with me!"

I guess I don't talk about Olivia as much anymore with people. Yeah, she may come up in conversation here and there, but I don't think its right that I would make people to feel bad for me, or that they think she is all I ever think about, because really I don't.

Two years ago this week (on the 13th, to be exact) was when we found out about Olivia's condition. I knew the date was coming up, but nobody else did and why would they? I figured it would come and go and that I might have a moment when I thought about it, but this long drawn out crappy whatever week I am having? Seriously? And maybe it's just compounded by other things in my life, I don't know.

It's strange how our minds remember things subconsciously. There were times last year when I had a really crappy day and then realized the date, and the memory of the year before would pop into my head. Why is that?

Two years...I am amazed at how fast time goes by. Some days it seems like Olivia was just a dream and others feel as if we had just had her. I don't dwell on her, but I see and think of her every single day, even just a for a brief moment, when I dust her picture, or stub my toe on the pig in the hallway, or in Brinley's drawings, or in noises I hear when I know Sarah is asleep and Brinley is out playing in the yard.

It feels good to express myself in writing. I've never been very good vocally. There is so much more on my mind, but best left to those who understand the questions and thoughts that run through my head.

I am sure I will wake up tomorrow and think, "why did I write this?"

july part 2.

This past weekend, we took our little family to a Tears for Fears concert. Oh, what fun we had. Since my brother and his family lives over thata way, we were able to stay with them. He has 4 girls. I have 2 and Hattie is an Eggleston cousin...that is a lot of girls. We outnumbered the boys by lots. All these girls did all weekend was read books.

******

The concert was AWESOME! but we couldn't bring a camera in, or they would have taken it away...no thanks, not worth it. It was outside at a Winery in Woodinville. The weather was perfect, which was suprising for that side of the state, but I guess they have had a really dry June. Spokane is actually greener right now...anywho...We layed out a big blanket and brought a picnic dinner. We watched everone get drunk around us, which was entertaining in itself. Matt sang every word of every song. Brinley knew about half the words, but recognized every song. We grew up with Tears For Fears, so why shouldn't our girls. I bought t-shirts for Matt, Brinley and I. Brinley will have to grow into hers, but it works great as a night shirt for now.

*****

Saturday we drove the North Cascade Highway. GORGEOUS!
We stopped and got ice cream before the long drive...

Brinley enjoyed hers.
This is Diablo Lake. I want to camp here. It was beautiful.

This was the river coming after one of the dams. I think there are at least 3 in on the drive. The water was a turquiose green/blue color. It was really beautiful.

Gorgeous mountains. I love this place. I want to live there.

July part 1

So I am only a week late posting these pics.

We had a really fun 4th and here are some pictures to prove it. Sarah and her silly smile. My friend, Rachel, made the flowers in my girls hair. (I would post her shop on Etsy, but Etsy is down right now.)Hello! Little Matt. They even make the same face.

******

We went to Fish Lake with some family and friends.

My sister, Julie, always trying to get her husband, Merv, to laugh. Lots of fun on the lake.

*****

Afterward, we headed our sunburned selves downtown for the fireworks in Riverfront Park.

Julie was feeling patriotic.
We have to have a sno cone while we wait for the sun to go down, it's tradition.

Matt and I are made for each other... a couple of nerds, for sure.