32 weeks

Today I'm 32 weeks, and I feel like I am ready to pop! I now sleep (sleep...HAHAHA) on the couch because the bed hurts my hips...everything I eat gives me indegestion and/or heartburn...I am running out of clothes that fit...blah, blah blah. This is not the best picture of me, but at least I don't have two chins.
The baby...I think it's a boy...so here's Harrison, named after my brother, Harris Brian.
This picture was just too sweet not to post. Matt is just in love with Brinley, and she LOVES her daddy.

Random Train Ride Pictures

Cody's train ticket
Me, (i just love the double chin) and my cute parents.
My mom, loving the ride.
My bro, Jared...needs a girl in his life, anybody know someone?
My sister Julie, her hubby, Merv and their boy, Cody, being a homey.

The three amigos all decided to grow out some facial hair.
Matt's parents, Barbara and Harold. They didn't want to take a "normal" picture, so i told them that i would put this one on the blog. They are goofballs.

Polar Express

We went on a Fall train ride with my family and Matt's parents, Barbara and Harold. We live in such a beautiful part of the country. The colors are just starting to change. We drove up to Ione, about 2 hours north of Spokane. The train goes from Ione, 10 miles north, to Metaline Falls. The towns north of us are really quite small. Ione is the biggest in North Pend Orielle county with 500 people.
The weather is getting colder too (today it was in the 40's). The train has open cars, so you have to dress for the weather or bring blankets! The conductor for the train looks just like the character from Polar Express, hence the title. Brinley and my nephew, Cody, thought that he was THE Conductor.

The train.

The Conductor and the fam. Brinley's ticket
Our little family
My cute boy
During the train ride, we had some "bandits" come aboard (Brinley thought they were called bandaids, and couldn't stop laughing). They were from the Metaline Falls Theater Group. They were very cute and were there for donations. Most of them were about 10-11 years old.

Grief Counseling

Tonight Matt and I had a counseling session through the M.I.S.S. Foundation, in connection with Forget-Me-Not. It was very therapeutic for both of us. I think Matt was relieved to find that he is grieving "normally", as a man would. I cried...a lot (go figure). It was good for me.
These women we met with have dealt with/are dealing with some incredibly hard situations, and I am amazed at their strength. Three of the women lost a child earlier this year. All having a different story to tell. Two of them had a few years behind them with the loss of their child. Then there was us, with just over 8 weeks left in the pregnancy and not knowing what to expect ahead.
I am glad that I what I am feeling is "normal". How I have reacted to people is "normal". I can't even begin to explain how...nervous, anxious, terrified and saddened I am about giving birth to this child. I guess because I am so emotional right now, I can't imagine feeling this way and having to go through the delivery.
The holidays scare me! We have so much to deal with from November 22- January 11, with Thanksgiving, Matt's birthday, our 8th anniversary, this baby being born, a funeral, Christmas, more birthdays...I just want Brinley to not have a mother who is "out of it" for the season. We are going to discuss the holidays at the next meeting.
I remember when Nick and Megan (sorry to pick on you guys), Matt's nephew, lost their son, Christian, who was stillborn. I felt so bad for them. I didn't know what to say to them or even begin to imagine what they were going through. I remember seeing pictures of the funeral at Matt's sister, Juli's house and just crying for them. I had had my, I believe, 3rd miscarriage during her pregnancy, and if I remember correctly, we would have been a week or so apart. I had the most jealous feeling of how lucky they were to have gotten to see their baby and hold him, and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to get that chance, ever (this was before Brinley). At the same time, I couldn't believe I could think something as inappropriate and selfish as that. I know now that Megan cherishes every movement Christian made. Their loss was sudden, and I am lucky enough to have time to prepare. My hope is that I get to hear even the tiniest noise this baby makes, that I will get to see this baby look at me. Matt and I don't expect a miracle, we just want a few moments.

The Casket

First of all, I hope not to offend anyone with the pictures. Believe me, I know that they can produce tears...
When we found out about the baby having so many problems, my parents really wanted to do something for us. So my Dad, who can build anything, asked if it would be okay if he could build the casket. Of course! I just wasn't sure that he could actually finish it...building something like this for a grandchild, well, I just wasn't sure. When we would go over to my parents, I would go and check on the progress of it, not an easy thing to do in our situation, especially when you are staring at a tiny casket and the baby is kicking me. My Dad did an amazing job. I know that he literally put his tears into this. My mom calls us yesterday and was worried that we wouldn't like something about the casket, and to come take a look at it, if we felt we could. So today, I stopped by to see what she was so worried about. I don't know how I could possibly be disappointed by anything! It was beautiful and perfect! My mom had finished the inside of the casket and thought, because I like things simple, that I might think it was "over-the-top", in her words. I think that if my parents are doing something so amazing as this, I don't have the right to complain. I really fought to keep the tears back. I did okay until we started talking about what to do for the funeral. Then I realized that there really isn't much time left. I don't wish my situtaion on anyone. Anyway...I take pictures of everything, so, here are a few pictures of the casket...

Tea Party

All day Brinley bugged me about having a Tea Party. So I told her that for afternoon snack, we would take it to the back yard and have a "Tea Party". Our party consisted of apple juice and blueberry mini-muffins, at Brinley's request. It was a lot of fun. We even had a few surprise visitors. Brinley was so polite and said lots of Please and Thank you's. She even poured me a cup of "Tea". Oh yeah, the party was "Specspacular"!Yummy!

Enjoying a muffin.
Cheese(y)!
Grandma Kunz, one of our visitors.
Piggie Pig, our neighbor, the other visitor. She ate 2 muffins. Then we picked some squash for her to enjoy too.

I had to post these pictures. This is my daughter to a T. She is goofy all the time. Oh...I just love her!

Valleyfest

Valleyfest was this weekend and I had promised Brinley that I would take her. I have a horrible cold, but do i listen to a child whine all day, or just go and be miserable the next day? I decided to be miserable, and I am. I didn't sleep last night very well, i woke up at 2:30 and finally fell back to sleep at 6:30. I missed church, which I probably would have missed anyway. So back to Valleyfest...Matt and I took her to the parade on Friday. It's like getting candy at Halloween, except that you don't have to dress up and they give you handfulls of candy. Then we went to the drag races where we met my parents and Julie, Merv and Cody. I recommend not taking children, unless you would like them to learn a few new words.
Saturday was the "fest". Brinley had a blast! The best part, EVERYTHING is free! YEAH!

Brinley got a Lotus flower. She has taken it apart and put it together about 10 times already.
She got her face painted by a 10 year old, i recommend that if you go into the face painting business you have more than 5 minutes of experience. She did the worst job, but Brinley was happy. It is supposed to be a butterfly...hmmm!
She painted her dad a great picture, which she has taped to our bedroom wall. I love kid art!The Masterpiece.

She caught a fish! This was the most exciting part of her day. She couldn't stop talking about it. Brinley and I do not like to eat fish, so she gave it to her dad, who will probably not eat it either. The horseback ride was another favorite. She has been bugging me all summer about letting her ride a horse and it was FREE! Hopefully she has the horse thing out of her system. Now it's all about the holidays. She is extremely excited about Halloween, especially decorating. Go figure, she is MY daughter!

I know, why am I posting a picture of my breakfast on here? Because it's good. I love hot cereal for breakfast.
I may be posting random things on here, so just beware.

What do they say about me in that file?

Today was another Doctors visit for me. We met with a nurse practitioner, Renata Gruber, who we had only seen once before when I was only 6 or 7 weks along. She was in tears talking to us, because she had just read my file. (For some reason, my file is extremely thick, when I check in at the desk, I always notice how other peoples files aren't even close to as big as mine. I think they have a special "Large File" room somewhere because my file is massive,what exactly have they written about me?) Anyway...she was so sweet and had me in tears (I hate that). But I have to mention that I work with some of the best doctors. So, if any of you living in Spokane need an awesome OBGYN, Doctor Shawn Barrong is excellent! We have met with so many specialists...Neonatologists (Dr. Bodenstein), Genetics Counselors (Dr. Martin), Perinatologists (Dr. Atkinson), OBGYN (Dr. Barrong), and the Forget Me Not Program (Heather, Sarah and Sara). I have to thank them all for being so nice and understanding and just so kind! I am amazed at how well they have been in touch with each other so that I don't have to tell my "story" everytime I see someone new.

My appointment went well, although I have gained enough weight that I will be on a diet for at least a year after the baby is born. The heartbeat is 140, and it seems that the baby is still breach. I also had to do the glucose test. (yum...that delicious bottle of extra sweet sunkist soda flavored drink that just hits the spot when you are feeling really crappy to begin with.) I hate that test. And can't they at least give you something to do for an hour while you wait? I guess that it was okay having a normal appointment for once out of the last...oh...six.

I have to also mention how much I have loved having this rainy weather. It has been hot here and I am glad to see 60 degrees. It just reminds me of how close Fall is. If you don't live in Spokane, you are missing out on some beautiful scenery. I will have to post pictures when the leave start to fall in Manito Park in about a month. It is also the time of year for hot cocoa, (Brinley and I are hot cocoa fanatics) , going to Greenbluff to get our pumpkins and apples, playing in the leaves at Manito Park, bundling up in sweaters, decorating for Halloween (Brinley is obsessed with Halloween)...I love this time of year.