Questions...

Ok, I get a lot of questions about the baby...a lot. I am posting this segment for those of you who want to ask a question and are afraid of offending me. I am HAPPY TO ANSWER ANY ONES QUESTION. I do not get offended easily, and I actually appreciate it when people don't assume things and would actually like to know the truth. No question is dumb! The most common questions are:

How do you explain this to Brinley? Well, we tell her the truth, she understands as much as a 4 year old would. She asks the same questions over and over, but she knows that the baby is going to live with Heavenly Father and Grandma Esther. She has seen the casket and I have taken her to visit grave sites of friends children. She tells people that the baby is sick. She gives the baby lots of loves and likes to draw pictures of the baby. We involve her in as much as possible. She has felt the baby move and thinks it's really cool. She will not be there for the delivery, but we will have her there to see the baby and hold the baby, if she wants to.

How do you handle everything so well? I don't... I cry a lot and there are days when I really don't feel like leaving the house, but, I still have a family to cook for, a house to clean, a daughter to take to school every morning, etc. Those are the things that get me by each day. I try to do a lot with my Brinley, crafts, baking, going to parks, games, whatever. I try to do things that we would like to do with the baby. That is why you see a lot of photos of my tummy.

I have no idea what to say to you...I can't imagine what you are going through. I get this a lot. And we appreciate all of the prayers and thoughts from everyone. I know that there are those that read my blog, and have no idea what to comment about certain postings. I know my parents get emails about us because you don't know what to say. That is okay. I wouldn't know what to say either. We are just happy to have such a big support system. So, thank you.

What are Polycystic Kidneys? This is when the kidneys have many cysts growing on them. It isn't something that can be prevented and starts really early on in development. Our baby's kidney's never did function, so they call it Potter's Sequence. Because of this, when it's time for the baby to start producing amniotic fluid, it can't. Without functioning kidneys, your body doesn't produce urine. Without amniotic fluid, the baby doesn't "breathe" in the fluid to mature the lungs. So, our baby's lungs are not developed. Baby's with this disease usually have heart problems also, like ours. There is no chance of survival and live only a few minutes, at most, outside the womb. Right now, the placenta is doing all the work that the baby should be doing. If this is a genetic disorder, then our chances are 1 in 4 of it happening again.

Can you feel the baby move? Yes...every movement. As I get farther along, the baby doesn't have as much room to move. Our baby is breech and I know where all the parts are. There is an arm right above the baby's head and I feel that the most. The baby kicks my bladder a lot too.

Will you deliver normally? As normal as a breech delivery goes. We decided against a C-section. That is not something to look forward to healing from on top of everything else. I want to be able to spend as much time with the baby as we can. A C-section will limit that for me.

Is it a boy or a girl and what is the baby's name? We have no idea what gender the baby is. We have had MANY ultrasounds and because of the lack of amniotic fluid, it has been too hard to tell. Now that the baby is breech the legs are close together and we, more that likely, won't find out until delivery. The names we have picked out are: Boy, Harrison Anthon Kunz. He would be named after my oldest brother, Harris Brian Erickson, and Matt's Grandfather, Anthon Ulrich Kunz. If it is a Girl: Olivia Kamille Kunz. She would be named after, Olivia, the pig from a children's book (Brinley's middle name, Madeline, was after the children's book), and Kami Marie Erickson, after my youngest sister.

Those are the questions I can think of right now, and as I remember which other ones we are constantly asked, I will post them.
We love you all and are so thankful for the support of our family and friends!

getting ready

Today we went on a tour of the maternity ward at Sacred Heart Women's Center. Heather, who is part of Forget Me Not and a OB Nurse there, showed us the rooms and explained to us what we would be expecting being in our situation. The rooms there are like a 5-star hotel.

This particular room is a post delivery room. The actual delivery rooms are bigger than this and they all have a jacuzzi tub. Hopefully, we will get one with a view of downtown Spokane.

We went over our birth plan also. That was tough, but something that had to be done. I think walking through the Birth Center made both Matt and I realize how little time we have to get things in order. We had been talking about inducing early and our doctor said that he would do it anytime after 36 weeks. I've decided that this baby can make it's own decision on when it wants to come. So, we are just going to wait it out. Dr. Barrong has been great and we have had a say in almost anything that has come up. There won't be monitors on the baby. If the baby goes into distress the nurses can't do anything for it, and I would rather not know if the baby didn't make it. I am also not going to be taking any kind of narcotic drug. I slept (snored) through labor with Brinley, and I wasn't too happy about it. Since I was in labor with Brinley for a total of 6 hours, I don't think this one will be much longer than that.

I have had a rough third trimester with throwing up just about everyday, any time of day. It's just been so great. The worst part is, it doesn't matter whether I have eaten something or not, but it does make it a little better when there is something there to come back up, but it makes it really hard on what I am able to eat. I have horrible indigestion and heartburn to go along with it and just about anything I eat gives it to me, including Chex cereal and drinking too much water. Oh the joys of pregnancy...

leaves are falling all around...

Brinley and I went to the Finch Arbotetum, a tree park, yesterday. I love the fall and I wanted to get some great pictures before all the leaves fall off the trees. We are expecting a storm this weekend, and with my luck, we would lose the leaves. It is only about 50 degrees here, and expected to stay that way. So poor little Brinley got really cold before we even got out of the van. She had a lot of fun collecting leaves, sticks and rocks. Cody and Julie couldn't make it this time around, but tomorrow we are going to a pumpkin patch...in the rain...should be exciting. Expect to see pictures of Brinley dressed in her winter coat, with gloves and a hat.

lots and lots of leaves.
The baby came with us. (33 1/2 weeks)


giving loves to baby.

Isn't this the coolest tree...
Climbing rocks, finding sticks.
yeah for Fall!
Brinley's leaf collection.

33 weeks, 2 days

Matt and I went to a Dr.'s appointment today. The baby's heartbeat is a good 140 beats a minute. I have been having lots of Braxton-Hicks, but that's normal for as far along as I am. I am having pains that I didn't with Brinley. Dr. Barrong was kind enough to inform us that they get worse with each pregnancy and that it's normal...Wonderful!
This weekend my parents borrowed our van to take to Utah and I had my sister, Kami's, car. I haven't driven a stick shift in I don't know how long and Friday, after running a bagillion (is that a word?) errands, felt like I was going to go into labor. I laid down all afternoon and drank a lot of water. Saturday I went to see a friend, and got into my sister's car...then it hit me that driving a clutch uses muscles that I haven't used in a long time. No wonder I was in pain!
This Thursday we are going on a tour of the maternity ward of Sacred Heart. They have a section for special cases like ours. We are also, hopefully, meeting the photographer from http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org who is going to do bereavement photos for us. It's a non-profit organization. These photographers really do an amazing job!
We have our next ultrasound on November 2nd, mainly to see the position of the baby and measurements to be sure that I wouldn't have a problem delivering the baby breech.

Mom, can I PLEASE paint your nails?

Just about everyday, my daughter asks, "Mom, can I paint your nails?". I cannot reach my feet anymore and I think I have about 4 coats of nail polish now on my toes, in different colors, just from last week. Luckily, it's not summer time and I can keep my feet covered. Although, I have been known to run to the store in flip flops...with Brinley's art on my toes. these pictures don't do the paint job justice.And, just a random picture that made me laugh...
"What are you lookin at?"

exploring manito park

We finally had a beautiful 75 degree day in Spokane. Lately it's just been a little too cold to let the kids play outside. My sister, Julie, and I took Cody and Brinley to one of our favorite parks, Manito. I realized that Julie and I matched our children clothes this day, and didn't know it. playing with bubbles.
look, we found a ladybug.
wow...bark.
i LOVE dirt!
ducks love kettle corn...who knew.
yet, another nut to love.
mom, what does this sign say?
yeah...water!
could my face look any more round? boy, i look like crap, it doesn't help that i didn't put any makeup on or that my cute sister is in the picture with me.
i love cody's face in this picture...the kids had just found some wild blueberries and squished them then wiped them all over their clothes.

32 weeks

Today I'm 32 weeks, and I feel like I am ready to pop! I now sleep (sleep...HAHAHA) on the couch because the bed hurts my hips...everything I eat gives me indegestion and/or heartburn...I am running out of clothes that fit...blah, blah blah. This is not the best picture of me, but at least I don't have two chins.
The baby...I think it's a boy...so here's Harrison, named after my brother, Harris Brian.
This picture was just too sweet not to post. Matt is just in love with Brinley, and she LOVES her daddy.

Random Train Ride Pictures

Cody's train ticket
Me, (i just love the double chin) and my cute parents.
My mom, loving the ride.
My bro, Jared...needs a girl in his life, anybody know someone?
My sister Julie, her hubby, Merv and their boy, Cody, being a homey.

The three amigos all decided to grow out some facial hair.
Matt's parents, Barbara and Harold. They didn't want to take a "normal" picture, so i told them that i would put this one on the blog. They are goofballs.

Polar Express

We went on a Fall train ride with my family and Matt's parents, Barbara and Harold. We live in such a beautiful part of the country. The colors are just starting to change. We drove up to Ione, about 2 hours north of Spokane. The train goes from Ione, 10 miles north, to Metaline Falls. The towns north of us are really quite small. Ione is the biggest in North Pend Orielle county with 500 people.
The weather is getting colder too (today it was in the 40's). The train has open cars, so you have to dress for the weather or bring blankets! The conductor for the train looks just like the character from Polar Express, hence the title. Brinley and my nephew, Cody, thought that he was THE Conductor.

The train.

The Conductor and the fam. Brinley's ticket
Our little family
My cute boy
During the train ride, we had some "bandits" come aboard (Brinley thought they were called bandaids, and couldn't stop laughing). They were from the Metaline Falls Theater Group. They were very cute and were there for donations. Most of them were about 10-11 years old.

Grief Counseling

Tonight Matt and I had a counseling session through the M.I.S.S. Foundation, in connection with Forget-Me-Not. It was very therapeutic for both of us. I think Matt was relieved to find that he is grieving "normally", as a man would. I cried...a lot (go figure). It was good for me.
These women we met with have dealt with/are dealing with some incredibly hard situations, and I am amazed at their strength. Three of the women lost a child earlier this year. All having a different story to tell. Two of them had a few years behind them with the loss of their child. Then there was us, with just over 8 weeks left in the pregnancy and not knowing what to expect ahead.
I am glad that I what I am feeling is "normal". How I have reacted to people is "normal". I can't even begin to explain how...nervous, anxious, terrified and saddened I am about giving birth to this child. I guess because I am so emotional right now, I can't imagine feeling this way and having to go through the delivery.
The holidays scare me! We have so much to deal with from November 22- January 11, with Thanksgiving, Matt's birthday, our 8th anniversary, this baby being born, a funeral, Christmas, more birthdays...I just want Brinley to not have a mother who is "out of it" for the season. We are going to discuss the holidays at the next meeting.
I remember when Nick and Megan (sorry to pick on you guys), Matt's nephew, lost their son, Christian, who was stillborn. I felt so bad for them. I didn't know what to say to them or even begin to imagine what they were going through. I remember seeing pictures of the funeral at Matt's sister, Juli's house and just crying for them. I had had my, I believe, 3rd miscarriage during her pregnancy, and if I remember correctly, we would have been a week or so apart. I had the most jealous feeling of how lucky they were to have gotten to see their baby and hold him, and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to get that chance, ever (this was before Brinley). At the same time, I couldn't believe I could think something as inappropriate and selfish as that. I know now that Megan cherishes every movement Christian made. Their loss was sudden, and I am lucky enough to have time to prepare. My hope is that I get to hear even the tiniest noise this baby makes, that I will get to see this baby look at me. Matt and I don't expect a miracle, we just want a few moments.