Last night was another counseling session. I thought I was going to get through it without crying, but I got there and listened to others talk about there losses, I just couldn't hold it back. I am glad that Karen was able to go with me. It has been a big relief and comfort to me to be able to have this counseling and to know that I am not alone in how I feel, or what to expect in grieving, and dealing with people who don't understand the loss.
We talked about the Holidays and what to do to remember our babies. It was a good thing almost everyone there is into scrapbooking! I am looking forward to the Holidays because I love being with family. This year might be a little different for us, but I mostly want Brinley to have good memories...and she will probably be a little spoiled this year. The most important thing for her to know is that she is apart of this too. We have done as much as we can to involve her as much as a 4 year old should be.
I was asked a question that doesn't come up too often, but it still gets asked...
Why did you decide to keep going with the pregnancy knowing that the baby would die? First of all, when someone asks me this, it catches me off guard. It's not a question that you expect to hear, especially from people who believe in eternal families and, i would guess, are against abortion. It's not offensive because I understand why they ask. If you knew that your baby was going to die, would you want to go through an entire pregnancy? Do you think it would have made it any less harder to deal with? Second, i feel it is not up to me that a baby should live or die. I put that in Heavenly Father's hands. If this baby has a chance to live but a few minutes, then that is what was meant to be. I cherish every moment I get to spend with this child inside me. It is all I will probably get to remember about this childs life. This baby is not an object, it's a person and part of our little family. I don't know why someone wouldn't want to give their baby a chance.
I do ask that when you know someone going through a similar situation, that this is not a question you ask them. They probably will take it offensively. It's a personal decision, and not one that should be questioned. We all have our own reasons for doing the things we do, and not everyone is going to understand that.