Monday, December 24, 2007

Yesterday was a one of my tough days. I had woke up in a melancholy mood to begin with. We went to church, but I just couldn't stay long. We were handed a family census to make sure everything was correct for church records. I saw Olivia's paper and I just broke down and couldn't handle it. So we left in the middle of Sacrament Meeting. I love the Christmas program, but oh well.
Matt drove us to see Olivia's grave. This was the first time Brinley had actually got out of the car to walk to her grave site. We made Olivia a little snowman (I didn't have my camera with me). Brinley loved it. She rang her chimes and asked us questions...I am glad to see that she isn't as closed up about Olivia as she has been. Brinley includes her in her everyday conversations, which is a healthy thing, but she gets really sad when she sees me crying. I hope she doesn't think that I love Olivia more than her, although, I have had to explain to her, many times, that I love both of them the same.
It has been 6 weeks. Christmas is going to be emotional for me. I didn't think it would be like this, it just hits at anytime. I had been doing good for so long...and then you just have days where you wonder "what's wrong with me?". I know that it's probably "normal", but what's normal when your grieving. It just wears me out and I feel like I need to sleep all day, which probably good, since I don't sleep at night (notice the time of the post). I feel like I'm rambling...blah blah blah. I am greatful for blogging.

3 comments:

Josh and Betsie said...

You do need to sleep. I am glad you blog and let all your feelings out. It makes me want to cry with you. We love you very much. Merry Christmas

My Crazy Life X 6 said...

Arah fist of all THANK YOU SO MUCH...You and your family are awesome...I love you guys like my own Family...I think Christmas is hard for me every year...I always think I'm going to be fine but the more I fight breaking down and having a cry the harder the breakdown...I think we are going to visit Sierra's grave today...Have a merry Christmas...

Laurie and Corey Kunz said...

why don't you sleep at night??
Just too many things on your mind?