Three weeks ago today, my sweet Olivia was born...today, Dec. 2nd, was my official due date.
It has been one of my hardest days emotionally. I realize how fast time goes by and how much I miss my baby. There is a constant "how big would she be"..."what would her cry sound like"...etc.
So, throughout my day, I reminisced about our day at the hospital...remembering her smell, the feel of her soft skin, her funny little smooshed nose, her sweet little face, giving her a bath and dressing her. I think about these things everyday, but today seemed especially symbolic...i guess.
Saturday morning Brinley had gotten into bed with us. I woke up to my little family, Brinley and Matt laughing and playing games. The first thought that came to my mind was that my little Olivia wasn't here with us to just...be together.
I know that I am just going to have days like this and I will burst into tears at any given time (like right now) and that is all part of the process. It doesn't help that my hormones are a little out of whack either.
Having this blog has been a big help to my grieving. I am able to relieve a lot of emotion, rather than try to talk to someone through a gallon of tears. I thank those of you who read it, because you know what I am going through without me having to tell explain myself everytime I see you. It also gives you an opportunity to experience a little of my life in case you ever have to experience it yourselves or know another person who may have to go through this. Did that make any sense?
I feel so much better but my eyes and head hurt, so I am going to bed now. Goodnight.