pretty little girls

Brinely taught Sarah how to make faces.

I especially love that they both have dirt on their faces.

well, heeeellllllloooooo there.

This sad neglected blog. I have had so many things I have wanted to sit and blog about. I was sure that once Brinley started school again, my life would be back on a schedule, things would get easier.

Not the case.

Life is busy. Very busy.
But I do want to keep up on this blog, even with small posts about everyday things. I think I will just recap some of the things we have been doing these past few months.

August:

Half of my family went on the 15 mile Hiawatha Trail. It was a lot of fun and I would like to go again next year. Brinley rode most of the way. She did not like going through the 1.6 mile tunnel (which you go through twice) in the dark with a little flashlight connected to the front of her handle bars, the first time through. On the way back, the second time, she was a pro and was singing "Fly Me to the Moon" with her dad the whole way. Sarah did amazing. Not much of a peep from her the entire trip. She loves bike rides :)

September:

Brinely started 2nd grade. She loves it, but has some focusing problems and comes home with lots of extra homework because she doesn't finish it in class. We give her fish oils and other vitamins, but this year, it just doesn't seem to be doing the job. Any suggestions?

I bought a thermos for her lunches this year too. It was worth the expense and has saved us from sandwiches every day. The girl loves soup and leftover pasta.

The week school started, so did the fair. I was a little disappointed this year. The attendance was WAY down. They usually have a kids free/ adults half price day, but not this year. The homemade/ handmade parts of the fair are my favorite. The photography, quilts, cakes, jams, sewing, etc. I lOVE it. The animals too.

I got to go three times this year. Once with all the family, once with Matt to see a Clint Black concert and a third with Brinley and her school. By the time I got home from the field trip, I couldn't walk. I was out for a week, with three trips to the chiropractor. I hate back pain. It was hard to lay on the couch and not be able to work on things. It drove me nuts. I had lists going through my head of all the stuff that needed to get done, stuff that had deadlines. AHHH.

We decorated for Fall/Halloween a week early. I couldn't help myself. It's my favorite time of year. Now if the Fall weather would return... A week of 80 degrees is not what I like to see. I love 65 degrees, where I can wear hoodies and jackets and drink hot cocoa in the morning. (starbucks brought back their salted caramel hot cocoa...yay!)

The leaves are just starting to fall from the 10 trees we have in our yard. I'm still waiting on the maples leaves to change color.

Matt got our fence finished. It only took him six months :) The gates aren't done yet, but I'm super happy that I have a fenced yard. Sarah is quick and now I don't have to worry as much about where she is.

We bought a chicken coop. I still need to seal the wood. We have decided to wait until Spring to buy the chickens. We are excited to have fresh eggs.

Sarah is a wonderful artist. She likes to show off her work on our walls, Brinley's dresser, her arms, legs and stomach. She is quite a talker now too. My favorite thing...when she walk into the kitchen and points to a cupboard and says 'No canny, no no canny. no" She knows where the stash of candy is for sunday school class and always wants a piece. I always tell her no. She also says:

pancake,

bye everybody,

papa,

baba (grandma),

i go out tide?

binney (brinley)

big gurl

binky

sippy

shoosh (shoes)

cookie

biaper (diaper)

bum

bath

gabba gabba? (yo gabba gabba)

bunkey (monkey)

da-dee (daddy)

mom, momma , mommy, mom, mom, mom, momma, mom, mooomeeee!!!!!!!

Brinley loves to be at home, jumping on the trampoline, hanging with her mom, playing with her sister. She does not like doing homework, going to bed or brushing her hair.

We took Sarah to the dentist, she had three cavities. She isn't two yet. Brinley has no cavities and perfectly spaced teeth. Lucky girl.

I have been nuts. HA! Our photography business has taken off. We had 4 shoots this week. We have 5 weddings booked already for next Summer. Family pictures are now the season. I have been trying to keep up on everything around the house, including all the yard work. I talked to a class of high school kids about Olivia yesterday. My niece, Cindy, invited me and is fundraising for memory making things for families who's babies die. Her brother just went through losing their daughter a month ago. I also am helping once a week in Brinley's class. I love helping at the school. Tuesdays are crazy. I have meetings every Tuesday. So does Matt. I have to drag my girls to half of them. It is not fun.

Matt works. all. the. time. I see him for a bit at night, but Tuesdays and Thurdays he has meetings, those nights are crazy for me. He has decided that he loves to golf and I allow him to go every Saturday morning. I say 'allow' lovingly... he feels guilty most of the time. I think everyone needs a break from a crazy life :)

Sundays are the only day that Matt doesn't work. It's filled with church and sometimes a photo shoot. It is not a day I get to completely enjoy. Truthfully, I don't look forward to Sunday. Matt and I both teach a Sunday school class. Sarah isn't a fan of nursery and so I am usually wrangling her so that we can teach and then wandering the hallway so that she can get wiggles out. Church is from 1-4, which is right during nap time. I can't wait for the time to change in January to 9-12, however, i dread 9am church and like the 11am time better :) It seems like church has been hit and miss a bit lately, my back was out one weekend, sick kids, being out of town, etc. We try to go faithfully, eventhough I feel like I get nothing out of it, Brinley needs to be there and Sarah needs to learn to sit still. I'm sure that this is just one of those season's in a mother's life.

That's it for now. My crazy life. Filled with lots.

today.

We are headed to a funeral today.

This past week I has brought back a lot of memories, good and bad, of what we went through more than 2 1/2 years ago. It feels different when it's family. There is more involved than taking photos for a family at the hospital. It involves making sure that everything this week goes smoothly and that they don't have to worry about whats for dinner, which funeral home to go with, where she will be buried, etc.

I was asked to prepare little Mackenzie for burial. Yesterday afternoon I went to the funeral home and got to hold my sweet little great niece one more time. It brought back memories of my little Olivia. It was the same room, the same funeral director...the same sweet compassion.

I was also invited to the birth. When you know people at the hospital, you know that they will have the best nurses on shift. That they will get the best care and that everything will hopefully flow well.

They were placed in what we call, the Olivia room... it was the first time I had set foot in there since Olivia was born. I took a deep breath before I entered. I had flashbacks of that night. I took pictures of Mackenzie in the same place Olivia had her pictures taken, again flashbacks. And as I wathced my nephew hold his tiny daughter, I was reminded of my husband and the sadness on his face when he held our tiny daughter.

It was good to be reminded of those times. It reminds me of why I do what I do and that we have been blessed by our loss. Others are blessed by our loss. Olivia is very much alive.

Today, Mackenzie will be placed right next to Olivia. I went to the cemetery yesterday evening. The grave had been opened, ready for today. I wanted to move away some of the dirt so that I could see Olivia's concrete box (this is what they placed her casket in). I just wanted to touch it. I can't imagine I'll ever get to be that physically close to her again. I won't have those feelings of her being out there all by herself anymore.

I know there will be a lot of tears today. I also know that Olivia and Mackenzie will be there with us, along with Christian.

*the Kunz family as a whole has had three babies die.

Christian Nicholas Call August 30, 2001 born still

Olivia Kamille Kunz November 11, 2007-November 11, 2007

Mackenzie Eva Kunz August 24, 2010 born still

relying on Him

A friend of mine, Karin, recently posted something on her blog that goes well with my last post. I thought I share some of it here.

I mentioned the "God does not give us more than we can handle" phrase. It's widely overused in times when it's not what a person/family wants to hear.

So I want to quote my friend...

"At the time it seemed comforting, a nice thing to believe.

Then the days went by, the weeks, the months.

My pain grew deeper and stronger and I started to wonder.

To wonder if this was really a promise of God.

So I opened up His book and came to fine...

there is no such verse. No such promise.

But what He does promise us is strength when we are weak.

Rest when our burdens are heavy.

Peace when our hearts are troubled.

He promises us struggles in life, but a Heaven without tears."

And my favorite part, which I feel is right on...

"So here is what I do believe...

God does in fact give us MORE than we can bear.

He allows it so we will rely on Him, not ourselves.

Rely on His strength, not our own."

So true.

comfort.

Just last week, a good friends sister tragically lost her husband, leaving her alone with four small boys, the oldest being 7. It has been devastating. I did not know her sister and his family personally but Matt knew him.

We have talked a lot about it and it really got us thinking about how when Olivia died, our lives were changed FOREVER and life for everyone around us had gone on. They had their responsibilities and families to take care of while we were now stuck in a consuming grief. People were preparing for the holidays...we were just trying to get through them. It was hard.

I have read the facebook page made for the family and their friends to leave memories, messages and photos. This man was loved...by many.

A quote came to mind.

"Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereveament. I will not try it."

Jane Welsh Carlyle

Oh, how I wish people would have understood what we were feeling. What we STILL feel. I can't begin to imagine how this family feels. How this mother now has four boys to raise without their father.

I remember people telling us about the 'miracle of so-and so's baby and they lived and they are perfectly healthy now' and we felt as if they were telling us we didn't have enough faith to heal our daughter. We knew that she wasn't meant to be with us on earth. We were at peace with that. I know they meant well, but there are times when things are better left unsaid.

Our circumstances were obviously different than those of this family, but I am sure they don't want to hear the "God won't give you more than you can handle" Hallmark card line. However, there were many heartfelt cards that we recieved and I read through them a couple times a year.

What a person NEEDS is service. I remember getting service in the forms of babysitting (even for extended family members), books to read and movies to watch (for when I was pregnant still and couldn't sleep), meals were brought in, cleaning my house, doing yard work and running errands. Even a cash donation for the costs of the funeral, heastone, and even the bills.

I am so greatful for all the service that was provided for us. We didn't have to worry about anything except us.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to this family. I wish them comfort and understanding in the weeks, months and years to come. The grief will NEVER leave them and the normal they once felt is no longer that. A husband, father, son, brother and friend will be missed terribly.

book report. by Brinley

To get Brinley to read more this Summer, I am giving her a chance to write book reports on my blog. She thinks it's cool and went and grabbed the first book she could find: She got this book for free from her teacher last year. It's a super easy read for a 7 year old.

This is what she has to tell us about it:

' Well, it's about a dog that does the opposite that anybody in the family tells him except his owner, the boy. One day he ran all the way to the park and everybody calls his name but he won't come. The boy called his name and he comes to him. Buddy loves the boy. The end.'

Brinley gives this book a 10... ' because it's very funny and easy to read. I like the pictures too.'

Brinley has a TON of books, so I am hoping she will learn to love books as much as I do.

happiness is...

getting flowers from grubby little hands.

Mt. Spokane

We took a drive up to Mt. Spokane Sunday. I haven't been up there for years. The girls LOVED running around and collecting rocks and flowers...well, I think Sarah just loved being free to run and do whatever she pleased.

This is what Sarah looks like 90% of the time:dirty face. messy hair. happy.Brinley fould a few more rocks to add to her collection. She has found so many heart shaped rocks (like the onle in my header), it's awesome. All of them have been found in our yard except one, I think I've got 6-7 now. I LOVE these photos!!! The one above is awesome! The one below I took just before getting a family shot of the 4 of us, but it didn't turn out. I was there, here's a photo to prove it.

braids

I braided sarah's hair for the first time today. I could have braided it ages ago, but the kid doesn't sit still for very long. She does know that when I do her hair, it no longer hangs in her face and once in a while she will bring me a barrett and say "eehhhh" which means about a million and three things right now. It is so cute, and she started giggling and feeling her hair when I finished.

She is quite the cuddly baby and LOVES her daddy. When he leaves for work, she follows him to the door, gives him a kiss and stands at the window saying "bye, daddy", while waving her adorable little hand. She sure is a happy little things...busy, but happy.

teacher gift

I really should be cleaning my house (for the 100th time this week) and getting things ready for our trip, but I don't have the motivation at the moment and since Sarah is asleep, I can sit here without a kid hanging off me.

School got out last week. Brinely's teacher cried. It was sweet. It almost made me cry. I really loved her teacher. She was amazing. I got to know her fairly well from being in the classroom so much. She loves to read and since the weather here has been a bit on the cold and rainy side, I made her a lap quilt.

I love this quilt. I love the colors and the size. It was hard to give it up. I hope she liked it. She wouldn't look at the gifts that anyone brought into her. She was trying hard not to show emotion.