I guess I forgot to mention that Olivia would have been 6 months old yesterday. A huge milestone for me. Matt hadn't realized it and I felt a little on my own although I had mentioned it to him all week. I can't believe that are halfway through our first year without her. Time just goes by so fast. I was not looking forward to Mother's Day for this reason.
The first time I was pregnant, I found out on Mother's Day. I spent the next year going through my third misscarriage. From that time, Mother's Day was just a reminder that I would never be a Mother, until Brinley was born. And I still thought of Mother's Day as a day to buy a card and get a flowering plant at church. Then this year, I realized that I don't get to spend Mother's Day with all of my children. I was quite emotional all week and I blame it on being pregnant, but I have just been really reserved about it. I feel like I would be burdening others with my grief. I did get a few emails from friends and I was so glad that someone thought about how hard yestersday may have been for me. I thought about all of us mom's going through our first Mother's day without our babies. It's not something I wish for anybody to have to go through. I wonder how Matt will handle Father's Day.