Monday, May 12, 2008

6 months


I guess I forgot to mention that Olivia would have been 6 months old yesterday. A huge milestone for me. Matt hadn't realized it and I felt a little on my own although I had mentioned it to him all week. I can't believe that are halfway through our first year without her. Time just goes by so fast. I was not looking forward to Mother's Day for this reason.


The first time I was pregnant, I found out on Mother's Day. I spent the next year going through my third misscarriage. From that time, Mother's Day was just a reminder that I would never be a Mother, until Brinley was born. And I still thought of Mother's Day as a day to buy a card and get a flowering plant at church. Then this year, I realized that I don't get to spend Mother's Day with all of my children. I was quite emotional all week and I blame it on being pregnant, but I have just been really reserved about it. I feel like I would be burdening others with my grief. I did get a few emails from friends and I was so glad that someone thought about how hard yestersday may have been for me. I thought about all of us mom's going through our first Mother's day without our babies. It's not something I wish for anybody to have to go through. I wonder how Matt will handle Father's Day.

9 comments:

Lisa Farman said...

I am so sorry yesterday was so hard for you. I hope that next years Mother's Day will bring more joy then sadness for you. Brinley is a very lucky girl to have you as her mother.

Marnie said...

Thank you so much for the mother’s day wish you left me. I had stupid little things to be disappointed about mother’s day. I am a bit ungrateful at times. You are wonderful. Thank you.

Josh and Betsie said...

YOu know I love how you can just write how you feel. I am trying to be more like that as you can see. I hope your mothers days get better. love ya

Karlene said...

I thought of you so many times yesterday. I hope you know that you are in so many of our hearts and prayers. Happy belated Mother's Day.

Raquel & Marc said...

I loved the pictures of all of you at the Cemetery. Thank you for sharing them. My mom and I visited the cemetery yesterday also to say hello to grandma dot and one of my good friends. We thought about you, and do often. Happy Late Mother's Day.

Brenda said...

I will never know truly how it feels to have gone through what you have, but know that because you blog about your feelings it gives me strentgh to go through my day to day. You are an amazing woman, and I am glad that I have had the opportunity to know you.
Know that you are loved. Thanks for being so REAL when you post.

Sam said...

Thinking of you. Sam

Brandon and Lindsay said...

Arah, I hope you had a good Mother's Day! I can't imagine how tough it is for you every time a milestone or holiday comes and you think of how it would be different with Olivia here. You are such a strength to other people. I am amazed by all you do and I think the photography is so great! What a way to use your talent to help others. You are Awesome!

Forever Young said...

I really, really appreciate that you are willing to share what others are afraid to. I kind of felt sheepish this last mothers day because I would have been a mommy twice by now. But at the same time I didn't want to take away from the joy that other mothers where having...so I resulted to making all of the mommies I know cute stare/flower cupcakes. It did help (a little) or rather kept my mind too busy to focus on my own grief. Thanks again and happy late mothers day.