Just last week, a good friends sister tragically lost her husband, leaving her alone with four small boys, the oldest being 7. It has been devastating. I did not know her sister and his family personally but Matt knew him.
We have talked a lot about it and it really got us thinking about how when Olivia died, our lives were changed FOREVER and life for everyone around us had gone on. They had their responsibilities and families to take care of while we were now stuck in a consuming grief. People were preparing for the holidays...we were just trying to get through them. It was hard.
I have read the facebook page made for the family and their friends to leave memories, messages and photos. This man was loved...by many.
A quote came to mind.
"Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereveament. I will not try it."
Jane Welsh Carlyle
Oh, how I wish people would have understood what we were feeling. What we STILL feel. I can't begin to imagine how this family feels. How this mother now has four boys to raise without their father.
I remember people telling us about the 'miracle of so-and so's baby and they lived and they are perfectly healthy now' and we felt as if they were telling us we didn't have enough faith to heal our daughter. We knew that she wasn't meant to be with us on earth. We were at peace with that. I know they meant well, but there are times when things are better left unsaid.
Our circumstances were obviously different than those of this family, but I am sure they don't want to hear the "God won't give you more than you can handle" Hallmark card line. However, there were many heartfelt cards that we recieved and I read through them a couple times a year.
What a person NEEDS is service. I remember getting service in the forms of babysitting (even for extended family members), books to read and movies to watch (for when I was pregnant still and couldn't sleep), meals were brought in, cleaning my house, doing yard work and running errands. Even a cash donation for the costs of the funeral, heastone, and even the bills.
I am so greatful for all the service that was provided for us. We didn't have to worry about anything except us.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to this family. I wish them comfort and understanding in the weeks, months and years to come. The grief will NEVER leave them and the normal they once felt is no longer that. A husband, father, son, brother and friend will be missed terribly.