Jen and Matt

I FINALLY got done editing Jen and Matt's wedding photos. Here are a few of my favorites:

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on another note...last night I spent a few hours at Sacred Heart taking pictures of a sweet little baby girl. She had passed before she was born. Her twin brother is doing well and so our her parents.

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Have a great weekend...we will be camping with my family!

my thoughts...

It's 2am and I can't sleep. Forgive me as I ramble on in this post...
my afternoon was better. I spent most of it folding laundry, putting it away, making beds, vacuuming, sweeping and rearranging furniture. However, the most important thing on my list was the hardest...
For Christmas, Matt bought me a white keepsake box with a name plate carved with Olivia's name and a shallow shadow box on top for Olivia's things. I finally got around to organizing it. It had been too long since going through all of her things. I came across her little hat that was placed on her head just after she was born...it still has her goo on it, her locks of hair that I cut from just above her neck, her hospital bracelet that was too big to stay on...all of her things. It's hard to believe that all that I have to physically touch of hers fits into a small box that sits on my dresser. I was getting past what a bad morning I had, but I just can't get little Olivia off of my mind. I have thought of her all day today.
It seems that as time passes, I have been more emotional. Sunday we went to Olivia's place. I could tell that Matt was having a hard time, I just fought back the emotion. Matt did too. It's weird to think that we will have another little girl in the house by the time Olivia's 1st birthday rolls around. It has always been a thought that Olivia will always be my baby, yet, she will be a big sister.
Matt took me out tonight...just to get out. We talked about what we thought Sarah Mae is going to be like. She had been kicking off and on for a few hours. I can just tell that this little girl is going to be nonstop, independent and a fireball, not unlike Brinley. Sarah likes to stretch out and I can just imagine her sleeping with her arms and legs spread out. Olivia on the other hand, I believe, would have been an easy going, mild, cuddly, sweet baby, who would make being her mother easy. I am reminded of my Grandma Esther when I think of her. Olivia would have loved flowers and dolls and all the girly stuff.
As I worked on the Ward Newsletter earlier tonight, I needed a bit of a break, so I blog hopped. I came across families that had recently lost their children. My thoughts were "You got to spend all that time with such a beautiful child, it must have been so hard to let them go." and at the same time, i felt " look at all the memories you have. You got to hear them laugh and cry. You got to rock them to sleep at night. Play with their hair." It wasn't in jealousy, but in thoughts of why do I not do this more with Brinley. Why doesn't my brain work enough to remember things she says and does. Why do I not get on the floor and play more with her. What is she going to remember me by...a mom who is always busy doing other things.
Everyday Brinley tells me, "Mom, I love you no matter what, do you love me no matter what?" Last week while getting Brinley ready for a bath, she broke the towel bar off the wall in the bathroom. She was for sure I was going to yell at her and be mad. Instead, I said "Are you a little naked monkey?" She laughed and said " Momma, I'm sorry for all the bad things I do. Do you forgive me?" then hugged me and told me she loved me. That was so much more worth it than being mad at her for the curiosity of a 5 year old. How cool it was that she could walk up the wall with the help of the towel bar...until it broke.
Olivia has taught me a lot of things...That stuff is just that, stuff. That my family and friends are what are important. To be patient. To write. To know what true heartache feels like. To understand loss and empathy. That life is short. That I KNOW that my family is forever.
So I sit here in tears, wondering why I was blessed to have Olivia be my daughter. Would Sarah Mae have come to our family. Do those girls know each other and stay up all night talking like I did with my sister. Is Olivia telling Sarah about what love feels like and what it's like to have her mother hold her close...

Monday mornings...

This is how I feel today...
This morning has been HELL!

I woke up feeling all right, went downtstairs to fold laundry for a while...which I absolutely HATE...and not 5 minutes after Matt walked out the door for work, I didn't quite make it up the stairs before I started to throw up. Luckily nothing was in my stomach, so there wasn't much there, but i couldn't stop. I made it to the kitchen sink in time for Brinley to ask me if I was all right. I am sure I looked fabulous. Once you throw up in the morning, it seems like your whole day is ruined. Gotta love pregnancy. But that's not the best part...

I had to go pick up my nephew, Cody, from my parents house so that Julie could go to a doctors appointment. To set the senerio for you... My parents have been out of town all weekend and won't be back until tomorrow. We have been stopping by to get mail, make sure the garden is getting watered, and just check in on the house. This morning, I went downstairs to get something out of the garage. You have to walk through a storage room to get there and they have an upright freezer there. As I was walking back in from the garage, I noticed that the freezer door was open about 4 inches...it had been like that since at least Friday, that i can figure. Most everything was ruined, including lots of meat. It was so disgusting...meat juice everywhere, frozen bananas for making banana bread were mush...and I got to go through it all and throw out everything. I had already thrown up once this morning and almost did again.

I couldn't figure out who had been in the freezer and then realized that Brinley had wanted a popsicle on Friday, she left the door open. So i feel a little responsible for replacing all the meat and veggies that went bad.

I had to go to the bank and grocery store anyway, so I thought I would replace some of the ruined meat. As I was in the meat section, Brinley and Cody ran off into in the wine aisle of Fred Meyer. I caught Brinley holding a wine botte about the size of her. Luckily, it didn't break, and she was able to put it back.

I don't think I can handle much more of this day. My plans are to stay home and go through the list of things that need to get done around here. Hopefully, the rest of this day will go a little more smoothly.

I HATE MONDAYS!

cherry pickin

Today after church, we decided to take a drive up to Greenbluff. We wanted to check the prices on cherries and since they were so cheap, $1.65 a pound compared to $4.98 at the stores, we thought we would just pick a few pounds. How could you not resist these delicious Rainier cherries? I am so glad they were a few weeks late this year. Can you believe how many there are? All of the trees were like this. Brinley had a blast, she ate as many as she picked.
So did Matt.
36 pounds of cherries later...i know, 36 pounds, how are we going to eat them all...my feet looked like this.

Since we were breaking the Sabbath already...I know, we are going to hell... we got ice cream cones too and they were delicious.

Peaches will be on in a few weeks. I am so excited. They literally fall off into your hands and they are SO JUICY!

fun with the Whalen family

Saturday our friends, the Whalens, invited us to go to Pend Orielle River. We were going to go up Friday night, but Matt doesn't get home from work until almost 7 and then we would have to drive about 1 1/2 hours and set up a tent, etc., etc. along with my back going out earlier this week, it wasn't going to happen. We left early Saturday morning and made it up there about 10am. The weather was perfect and the water was warm. Karlie and Brinley...Karlie is hilarious and just goes nonstop. She is so cute, Brinley just loves her. Brinley came up to me during our day and asked "Why does Karlie always smile?". She is just a happy kid...and a fish. The girl LOVES water.
Brinley wanted to get into the water, but not really. She was afraid a fish might nibble on her toes, I don't blame her, that thought always freaked me out too.
I sat in the boat and played flag girl and photographer. The Whalen boys wakeboarded while we enjoyed the views. They are pretty good at it too.
Back on the shore, Matt watched the fish swimming under the dock. Dusty, the dog, made a new friend. Dusty loves water and fetch, they were launching a toy out in the water and Dusty would swim out and get it, yelping the whole way. It was really funny. Brinley got brave and she and Karlie went tubing. They had a blast. I could hear Brinley yelling "This is so much fun, I can't believe I'm actually tubing..." Once she figured out how fun it was, she wanted to go faster and faster.

Later we took a boat ride down the river when I started getting sick. I was for sure once I got to the dock, I was going to throw up. Luckily, it passed, but it seems way worse when your pregnant and the baby is moving too...ugh.

Thank you Whalens. We had such a fun time.

July GNO

Oh what a fun time we had. First off, thanks to Julie and Lindsey for picking such a great place to go this month. If you live in Spokane you must try CHAPS out at Latah Creek. The atmosphere is relaxed, the food is great and it is just all around fun. The menu isn't huge, but that just means that you don't sit for 15 minutes trying to decide from a book of options trying to figure out what you want to eat. The girls that were able to go. The waitress didn't wait for me to smile in the middle of telling her how to use my camera, so i just look lovely. One of the original GNO gals, Sonnet, was in town this weekend and came too.
the food was pretty tasty. After we ate, the cooks came out and asked us how everything was. They may look funny, but they can cook a good meal.
The desserts were HUGE and they could have had a bigger selection, but we were pretty happy with what we got.
Did I mention that we sat outside and listened to live music. These guys talked to the crowd and we even requested a song, but they didn't know it. On Saturday nights, they play a movie at 9pm. You can also bring you dog with you as long as you sit outside.

Really fun place, TOTALLY recommend it!

Afterward, a few of us went to see Mama Mia. If you like musicals, you'll like this one...LOTS of music.

24 week ultrasound

We had an ultrasound yesterday. Everything is good!!! Sarah is a little wiggle worm and was giving the Sonographer a hard time. Her heartbeat is strong and there is lots of amniotic fluid and fluid in her bladder and stomach. She is still transverse (laying across my belly), but has flipped so she is facing up instead of down. She loves to stretch out her legs, as we saw yesterday, so I think we have a busy girl on our hands.
Our batter cable came in yesterday, so now I can post pics. We are going to go play in the Pend Orielle River todaywith our friends, the Whalens. So you'll have to wait until tonight for updates and pictures. Have a fun Saturday!

who does she look like?

Yesterday, I saw a baby Olivia's age. She was ADORABLE! I couldn't help but stare and wonder if Olivia would have had hair like Brinley's, that her feet would have been too chubby for shoes, that she might be teething... I started to get a little teary eyed and Brinley asked me why sometimes I get sad. This was the first time I had looked at a baby and wondered about what Olivia might be like at that moment. I think it was because this cute little baby looked so much like Brinley did when she was that age.

and on to other things...

I have had a fun time going through pictures on my mom's computer. I found so many pictures of Brinley as a baby, but who does she look like...

Matt...

or me?

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oh, and just because I love this hairdo soooo much, I thought you might enjoy it too.
My nickname was poodle. Now why in the world would i do this to myself and what is up with those glasses? Do my eyebrows need to see too?

Happy Birthday Julie

Today my sister, Julie, turns 29. Enjoy it, you only have one more year left in your twenties...(don't you love the socks and the outfits the hair...winnnemucca, nevada...what a place) Hope you have a wonderful day!

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And to put a smile on your face...
I found this picture of Brinley had to post it.

it happens in 3's...

Saturday I spent the day photographing a wedding. It was lots of fun, they were pretty laid back, but it was so HOT outside, I thought I was going to melt. I would post pictures, but we'll get to that in a minute.
Saturday night, Matt and I got a date. Brinley went to her Aunt Lori's house, where she fished in the pond and saw horses and got to play with her cousin Mandy, who is about 10 years older than Brinley. We got to eat at Outback Steakhouse and then got to see "The Dark Night", which was great, except for Batmans voice...it drove me NUTS... and a bit of cheesy dialogue at the end.
When we got home, the battery cable on our computer pooped out, so no computer and no pictures. Great!
Sunday night we went to some friends house, the Nelson's, and had Rootbeer floats, played NERTS and watched Hairspray. They are so much fun! Brinley got a ride in a wagon behind a riding lawnmower. She loved it! As we were leaving, we noticed the front tire was flat. There is a screw in it. We filled it up and got home, but now I am without a van for today and tomorrow. oh, but that's not all...
Today while helping Brinley clean her room, I bent over to pick up a toy and my back went out, yet again. It's not too fun when your pregnant (you Erickson cousin's can probably remember what it was like for me at the family reunion 5 years ago when it happened). My sweet mother drove me to the Chiropractor today.
what an eventfull weekend we've had...I'm in pain, I have no computer access, and I have no car.

movie in the park

Tonight we decided to go to a free movie in the park. It was a lot of fun, although the movie (Who Killed the Elecrtic Car) was a little boring for Brinley, Matt and I are suckers for a good documentary, and we had seen this one before. Luckily our friends, Sam and Lindsey, joined us with their 4 rugrats and they had a blast. While we waited for our friends to arrive and the movie to start... we acted like the dorks we are.
Brinley stood at the top of the hill and started singing to everyone...like Ariel from The Little Mermaid.
Then rolled down the hill into the people setting in front of us.

Sam and Lindsey were nice enough to buy Dilly Bars from Dairy Queen and share them with us, but that just wasn't enough...so we bought cotton candy and licorice to share also. The kids were running all over the place. Luckily, Brinley ran out of energy and on the way home, crashed in the car...yeah for me!

Next Saturday, The Cherry Poppin Daddies are preforming...remember Zoot suit Riot... it should be fun.

so i've been slacking...

the photo blog is taking me longer than expected...it doesn't help that I've spent a day at the Aquatics Center, another day at Pavillion Park in Liberty Lake and playing in our backyard, and then a day of garage sale-ing. So, give me this weekend, which will consist of a wedding photo shoot and going on a much needed date with Matt.

Arah Kunz Photography???

First off, THANK YOU to those who left a comment on my previous post. It made me feel much better. I have some pretty good friends...
Now, for some good news, after many pushes and shoves (and some confidence building), I have decided to do something more with my photography. I will be setting up a photography website or blog and I need some ideas on a name. I could just go with my name, 'Arah Kunz Photography' , but if you have any suggestions I would appreciate them.
I am still trying to figure out pricing and all. I did a lot of photography using my 35 mm camera, so you won't see a wide selection of photos until I start to get more clients. I have a wedding this weekend, so I will add more as I go.
Also, my bereavement photography is done out of love, there is no charge. If you know some one, even if it is a sudden death, and they would like pictures of there sweet baby, please don't hesitate to get a hold of me. Email me at kunzfamily at hotmail dot com and I will give you my phone number. I will travel to any local hospitals.
Hopefully I will get this up and going in the next few days...with some help, Julie?
Wish me luck!

one year ago...

it was Friday the 13th. Matt and I were excited, we were having an ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby. It was the day that our world turned upside down. It was the beginning of what we found out to be a very trying and emotional time for us. It was the day we found out that our baby wasn't going to live very long, IF she made it through delivery. It was the beginning of a four month wait, preparing for a funeral, going to doctors appointments, ultrasounds and dealing with all the emotions to go with it, along with explaining it all to a 4 year old.
I can't believe it has been a year. The things we have learned and the blessings we have because of our beautiful little daughter, Olivia Kamille. It has been the most trying year of my life. I could have taken it all in a different direction...a 'why-me, shake-my-fist-at-God' direction... but chose, instead, to have faith that in the end, I would benefit from all of this and I have.
Who would have known that I would be going through another pregnancy, almost exactly the same time as last year, but with a healthy and strong baby girl. As it gets closer to the birth of this baby and the one year birthday of Olivia, I realize that this baby won't know her older sister. I am sure Brinley will keep her updated and we will often visit Olivia's grave, but I don't want Sarah to feel like a replacement, because she is definitely not.
I go out to shop for baby stuff because we literally have NOTHING baby in our house and I feel like I might jinx something if i buy anything or that there is no point because who knows what might happen. I am sure that it is a normal reaction to having lost a previous child, but I think that this baby might just come home to a house without anything baby in it. Until I hold a healthy, screaming baby and know that everything is okay, I just have a hard time wanting to buy anything. Any thoughts?

all fixed up...sort of

This afternoon, Brinley and I went out to visit Olivia and clean up her grave some. The dirt is so dry out at Saltese that it took me longer than expected to rake the mound flat. Then Brinley and I hauled rocks from the other side of the cemetery to her site so that we could make a little border around her spot. It took us about an hour and a half to get it all done. Brinley was a trooper and loved finding her own rocks to bring home and paint.
She looks like a little homeless child here, the shoes she is wearing are about 3 sizes too big, but she insisted. This picture doesn't do it justice, she was SO dirty and loved every minute of it.

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Later, Julie and Cody invited us (Matt, Brinley, my Mom and I) to the coolest little ice cream shop on Southill. What a fun place. It sits right in the middle of a residental neighborhood...we have a lot of places like that here. The place was packed due to an article in the newspaper. The ice cream was really good and if you want to visit this neat little shop, you can find it at 1001 W. 25th.

happy anniversary...

to my amazing parents who have been married for 33 years! I love you guys and hope that you enjoy another 33 years together. You guys have always made the Erickson home a fun place to be. I have so many great memories of my family and have learned so much from your marriage. How exciting that you guys get 3 new grandbabies in this next year!

I LOVE YOU!

*on a side note, today my little Olivia would be 8 months old and I am a little emotional today...I'll blame it on the pregnancy hormones. I am planning to go to her graveside today and maybe get rid of a few weeds and rake her mound flat.

tagged

I think that everybody needs to feel like they are loved, so I am doing this tag.

Here are the rules.
1. As a comment on my blog, leave a memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you know me a little or a lot, anything you remember! If we're only blogging friends, write about a post that is most memorable. If you don't have a blog and don't know how to sign in, please comment as anonymous.

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll be sure to write one about you... either on your blog, in my comment box, or I will email you back!

3. If the memory happens to involve my husband, please include him!

4. If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all ☺

Can't wait to hear ♫♪ Memories.. of the way we were...♪♫

spokane fires

Today has been quite windy and hot. This is the view from my house... I was oustide doing yardwork when my sister, Julie, called to tell me there was a fire by my parents house. Well, it wasn't by my parents house but up the hill and East of them, thank goodness. So far one house is on fire and there are lots of houses threatened and they are evuating.

There are quite a few fires around Spokane including the 7th fire at Ugly Duck Liquidators and a barn fire north of Spokane.
Keeping the firefighters busy...

Happy Birthday Dad!

My sweet papa is 60 today!

He is an amamzing man! Here are a few things about him:

(pictured up front sitting on a rocking horse)

He is the 5th of nine children. He was the oldest of the "little kids" and youngest of the "big kids". He served in Vietnam with his brother, Brian. He also had a pet monkey while there. He took lots of pictures and made them all into slides. When we were growing up one of our favorite things to do was watch a slide show about my dad in Vietnam and on his mission.He went on a mission to England after serving in the military. He still likes to eat beans and eggs with ketchup. It's actually pretty good. I got a taste of English when I spent a few months there.He loved to work on cars. He owned a few VW over the years. My brother, Brian, now has an addiction to them also. He has always wanted a Harley Motorcycle.

( I was a baby in this picture(on left). There are A LOT of us Erickson's missing from here)

He comes from an awesome family!

My dad is known for many things, including:

Fisherman, Welder, Gardener, Electrician, Carpenter, Scout Master, Hunter, Camper, Brother, Husband, Father and Grandpa.

My dad taught me how to fish. We used to go on fishing trips together, just me and him. I loved it. It was a lot of work for him though, I always got my line caught on something.

He also taught us to work hard. When we lived in Vernal, Ut. every Saturday in the Summer, my dad would make us get up early and head up to the mountain to get firewood. We HATED it, but now have some great memories of those trips we took as a family. When we turned 12, he would make us get a job, wether it was babysitting or a paper route.

I hope you had an awesome birthday!

I love you Dad!

goodbye computer...

I was ready to post about my weekend and couldn't access the internet. The motherboard on our computer went out...for the third time in less than two years...and they will be replacing our computer. (YEAH!) However, that means that I won't have easy access to a computer for a while. I will update when I can.

i walked into the bathroom this morning as saw this...

blanket for Sarah

Now that we know what we are having, you would think I would be all over going shopping for her. Especially since I don't have any baby things in the house, except for a bumbo...I don't even have a crib. I have found lots of cute things, but just not in the mood to buy any of them. However, I found this... on Etsy and bought it to make a blanket for Sarah. I am way excited to get it and start on a quilt similar to this with a little of this and some of this. I am really hoping that it turns out the way i picture it in my head. Brinley is going to be helping me...some. I am not sure how long her attention span will last...or my patience for that matter.