The group was really small tonight, with me, Karen, Sarah, Sara and two new people. It was good to talk to new people, one of them lost a neice to SIDS and the other was there for support. I don't know how people can get throught these expereinces without having a group of people to talk to that know, in their own way, what you are going through.
I really needed to be there. It seems like it's been a while since I had a really good cry. I was able to do that tonight and it felt good. The last few weeks, I have been looking for a house, packing, sorting, throwing away, working on new banners, posters and bulletins for the Primary's new theme, etc. I hadn't really taken time for myself and had been keeping some thoughts bottled up, So tonight, I felt like I could just let it out. I guess I am the type of person that I don't really like to bother people with my "problems"(not that this is a problem, that's just a figure of speech)...Sunday was week 8, we didn't make it to church, mostly because I forgot to set my alarm ( We would have been late anyway because I forgot about the time change). I didn't feel bad about missing church though, I have a hard time on Sundays. It's like every week is a milestone...well, this Friday, Olivia would be 2 months old...it is also my 30th birthday. Every holiday/Sunday/11th is just one more thing for me to think about Olivia missing.
Another hard thing for me is packing her things. I want to leave it out as long as I can, and her stuff will not be going into storage. Karen said that she did the same thing, and now, 4 1/2 years later, can put it in her storage without feeling bad.This house has memories for me, and it will be hard to leave because this where the 'Olivia memories' are. I know that I need to progress and not become stagnent, that is part of my grieving process. I know I can come back to it because Matt's brother, Chris and his family, will be living here. Our new place will bring new memories and I am really excited about that.