I went to the MISS support group tonight. I am glad I decided to go despite the snow that won't quite (I love the snow...I hate driving in it, our driveway slopes and we have a really hard time getting out of it). The weather here is horrible, with 6 inches of snow in our front yard and supposedly, 3-4 more inches expected until 7am.The group was really small tonight, with me, Karen, Sarah, Sara and two new people. It was good to talk to new people, one of them lost a neice to SIDS and the other was there for support. I don't know how people can get throught these expereinces without having a group of people to talk to that know, in their own way, what you are going through.
I really needed to be there. It seems like it's been a while since I had a really good cry. I was able to do that tonight and it felt good. The last few weeks, I have been looking for a house, packing, sorting, throwing away, working on new banners, posters and bulletins for the Primary's new theme, etc. I hadn't really taken time for myself and had been keeping some thoughts bottled up, So tonight, I felt like I could just let it out. I guess I am the type of person that I don't really like to bother people with my "problems"(not that this is a problem, that's just a figure of speech)...Sunday was week 8, we didn't make it to church, mostly because I forgot to set my alarm ( We would have been late anyway because I forgot about the time change). I didn't feel bad about missing church though, I have a hard time on Sundays. It's like every week is a milestone...well, this Friday, Olivia would be 2 months old...it is also my 30th birthday. Every holiday/Sunday/11th is just one more thing for me to think about Olivia missing.
Another hard thing for me is packing her things. I want to leave it out as long as I can, and her stuff will not be going into storage. Karen said that she did the same thing, and now, 4 1/2 years later, can put it in her storage without feeling bad.
This house has memories for me, and it will be hard to leave because this where the 'Olivia memories' are. I know that I need to progress and not become stagnent, that is part of my grieving process. I know I can come back to it because Matt's brother, Chris and his family, will be living here. Our new place will bring new memories and I am really excited about that.
3 comments:
oh arah, We love you and I am so glad you have a place to go and friends to cry with.
So did you get the house?
I am right with you on the house thing. I don't want to leave my house where I can picture my dad. Going someplace where he has never been makes that impossible. Just the thought of doing that makes me cry. My mom feels the same way and hasn't been able to sell the house he loved. It's sounds a bit odd when put into to words, but I have found with grief it's so emotional that one has to go through it to understand. Sundays and praying was really hard for me. Seems like I would just get to my knees and couldn't go further. Church songs are still hard and going to the temple the first time I though I would have to leave. I still can't have a 9th go away without thinking about Dad. I finally stopped doing the Friday thing. Time really does help--sounds cliche', I know. I am so glad you have a support group and feel comfortable there. But don't worry about leaning on friends. We love you and care about you. You've endured a lot, nobody expects you to be upbeat and happy right away. Love you!
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