Today would be your first birthday. I can't even begin to describe the emotions that run through me right now as I hold your "little" sister, Sarah, in my arms...just three days old. As Sarah woke me up this morning, I got a look at the clock, it was 12:24am. You were born at 12:27am. I have a feeling that you may have been apart of that. I can imagine that you and your sister are close and you are with her often.
The last few days have been a blur of baby Sarah, doctors, visitors, running a few errands and no sleep. I woke up this morning in tears. I can imagine that some of it has to do with hormones. We have plans for today, but I am not sure how much of it we will actually do.
Brinley wants to make you cupcakes. (This I think I can handle)
We want to take flowers and apples to your graveside. ( I'm not sure that we are going to make it out there today, it's rainy and cold and I really don't want to get Sarah sick)
Brinely wants to draw you some pictures. (Not a problem)
Pay for your headstone and hopefully have it installed in the next few weeks. (only if the place is open today)
I woke up at 5am and started to go through pictures of you, crying the entire time. You and Sarah have the same nose, the cheeks belong to all three of you and Sarah got my forehead, but you and Brinley both got your aunt Julie's. As I look at Sarah, I am reminded of all the things I missed with you in those first few days. The hardest thing was hearing Sarah cry for the first time...you never made a sound.
I am amazed at what your short life has done for our family. All of the things that you have made possible for us because you aren't here...the people we have met and become great friends with, the lessons of life we learned, hands on, and the test of faith on our family. Brinley talks about you daily, about what you are doing in heaven, if you have wings and if you have your own cloud, among other things. She misses you...the other day we read a book together called "We Were Going To Have A Baby, But We Had An Angel Instead", as we read, I could see tears in her eyes. She really does miss you.
Your daddy has to work today. I know your in his thoughts. He is a very emotional man, and talking about you is hard for him. We talked about how 2008 was going to be our year. We didn't expect it turn out so well.
I know this next year will be full of more milestones and such as we watch Sarah go through her first year, almost exactly as you would have.
We know you watch over us. We love you and miss you, sweet angel.
Dad, Mom, Brinley and Sarah