Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Dear sweet Olivia,

Today would be your first birthday. I can't even begin to describe the emotions that run through me right now as I hold your "little" sister, Sarah, in my arms...just three days old. As Sarah woke me up this morning, I got a look at the clock, it was 12:24am. You were born at 12:27am. I have a feeling that you may have been apart of that. I can imagine that you and your sister are close and you are with her often.
The last few days have been a blur of baby Sarah, doctors, visitors, running a few errands and no sleep. I woke up this morning in tears. I can imagine that some of it has to do with hormones. We have plans for today, but I am not sure how much of it we will actually do.
Brinley wants to make you cupcakes. (This I think I can handle)
We want to take flowers and apples to your graveside. ( I'm not sure that we are going to make it out there today, it's rainy and cold and I really don't want to get Sarah sick)
Brinely wants to draw you some pictures. (Not a problem)
Pay for your headstone and hopefully have it installed in the next few weeks. (only if the place is open today)
I woke up at 5am and started to go through pictures of you, crying the entire time. You and Sarah have the same nose, the cheeks belong to all three of you and Sarah got my forehead, but you and Brinley both got your aunt Julie's. As I look at Sarah, I am reminded of all the things I missed with you in those first few days. The hardest thing was hearing Sarah cry for the first time...you never made a sound.
I am amazed at what your short life has done for our family. All of the things that you have made possible for us because you aren't here...the people we have met and become great friends with, the lessons of life we learned, hands on, and the test of faith on our family. Brinley talks about you daily, about what you are doing in heaven, if you have wings and if you have your own cloud, among other things. She misses you...the other day we read a book together called "We Were Going To Have A Baby, But We Had An Angel Instead", as we read, I could see tears in her eyes. She really does miss you.
Your daddy has to work today. I know your in his thoughts. He is a very emotional man, and talking about you is hard for him. We talked about how 2008 was going to be our year. We didn't expect it turn out so well.
I know this next year will be full of more milestones and such as we watch Sarah go through her first year, almost exactly as you would have.
We know you watch over us. We love you and miss you, sweet angel.
Love
Dad, Mom, Brinley and Sarah

19 comments:

Josh n Betsie said...

Ok I just put my makeup on and now it is all off. I am praying for you today to make it through this hard day with out olivia. But I know that Sarah was meant to come when she did to make this day a little easier for you. We love you and we love olivia. Even though I never got to meet her she is in my thoughts. I am so glad we have eternal families and we know that we will get to see her again. Happy birthday Olivia Kamille

Shannon said...

Thinking of you today. I am sure that Miss Olivia Kamille and Miss Olivia Faith are having an amazing tea party.

Congrats on Sarah, she's beautiful. I anticipate the first cry of our baby due in April. I have been thinking about that a lot. That moment. Our Olivia never made a sound either. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this very special day. It was beautiful.

CrazyMomof7 said...

Arah, I was up early this morning and wrote my own letter to Olivia. She touched so very many lives. We love her and miss her everyday. Let me know if there is anything that I can do. I would be happy to ride with you to the cemetery and sit in the car with Sarah so that you don't have to take her out in the rain.
Happy Birthday Sweet Angel Olivia.

Karlene said...

Happy Birthday Olivia.

Cindy said...

Happy Birthday Olivia. Thanks for getting me emotional first thing this morning. I love to hear that Brinley talks about Olivia and asks so many questions. You are a wonderful family and I'm glad a year later you have a healthy baby in your arms with an angel watching over her every step of the way.

Megan said...

Ok, Now you made my tears starts! What a touching and loving post. We love you guys and our thoughts are with you...and with Olivia!

julie said...

cody would LOVE to come have one of olivia's cupcakes with brinley... ;)

Kami said...

Thanks Arah, you got me bawling like a baby.

That was a sweet comment on behalf of Olivia. Happy Birthday to her.

Renee' Pendergrass said...

That was beautiful! Happy Birthday to Olivia!

becca said...

Our thoughts are with you guys today. Your letter to Olivia is so sweet and your family so beautiful. We love you all and can't wait to see you and meet Sarah in a couple weeks.

Isabel e. said...

Happy birthday Olivia!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Olivia your sweet short life touched so many. Arah my thoughts and prayers are with you. You are truely an amazing woman!!
Kris Tome

The Cobabes said...

My eyes teared as I read this. Thank you for sharing your experience with others. Happy birthday Olivia your sweet spirit has touched so many... especially this family who surrounds you with so much love. Love you Arah!

Lisa Farman said...

Happy birthday angel girl. You have blessed so many people's lives with your story and your sweet spirit.

Arah, you and Matt really know how to make some beautiful girls. I'm sorry today has been so hard for you. I will keep you, Matt and Brinley in my prayers and in my heart.

Forever Young said...

I could feel the sweet spirit you have in your family, and the sweet gentle spirit that Olivia has in your words. Thank you for being so willing to share such a tender part of your life. Love you guys, and Congratulations on having Sarah.

ms. lee of the lemon drops said...

thank you for sharing this letter. happy birthday to all your beautiful girls (including brinley).

: ) Paula said...

I love the title of that book, it's so hard to explain death to a child, but Olivia really is your angel, Brinley.

Olivia's birth and death is a bittersweet time in my life. I continue to hold that time close to my heart. I was so blessed to be your Relief Society president one year ago. Olivia touched my heart (and so many others') and I'm just so glad I got to serve you guys. What a unique opportunity I had to be included in her short life. Every time I think of her I think of what Matt's brother said at her funeral--that if Olivia could, she would have put her tiny hands on your face and thank ou for your sacrifice in providing a body for her. The plan of salvation is illustrated so beautifully by that image. Such a blessing. Love you guys!

Marnie said...

My makeup is off too. Such a big, little blessing she is. My thoughts are with you.

janet said...

what a sweet tribute to your angel baby!