I spent yesterday having anxiety attacks. Not little ones, MAJOR anxiety attacks...I haven't had one since early March, when I found out I was pregnant.
I was by myself most of the day while Brinley spent the day at Cody's house playing. As I sat at my computer working on pictures for my nephew, David, it hit me. I had to get out of the house, needing to be around people. Off to Walmart I went. I wandered mostly. I felt better so I came back home to put groceries away. I had a small attack on the way home. I got the cold stuff put away and then went to see Matt. I was fine on the way to his work and then on the way home I had another major attack. There were 3 accidents on the freeway and I just thought about Brinley and if something was to happen to her and so I called and talked to her to make sure everything was okay and listen to her voice. I calmed down after talking to her and worked on pictures again.
I was fine through GNO. I have been cleaning some offices for a friend of mine while she is on vacation and while I was there in a big, quiet building by myslef, I have another major one. Matt stayed on the phone with me while i finished cleaning.
I think that the up-coming ultrasound has really got me nervous. I just don't want to find out that something is wrong again. And then the thought of something happening to Brinley really gets me worried. I can't imagine what it's like for people who deal with this everyday. Their days must be really hard. I can usually talk myself out of an attack, but because I was alone most of the day, I didn't have something to distract me.
Today is a new day and I am doing so much better and it's off to spend the day with my sister, Julie, and my sister-in-law, Becca, and all the kiddlings.
*my ultrasound is this Friday at 11am with a doctors appointment to follow. I will post as soon as I get home about what we are having, unless you get a phone call first...and you know who you are.