No, I don't like candy corn!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

just a few cookies we made for class Cody and Brinley's classes.
nothing like a little cookie with your frosting and candy
I LOVE these little hands...one of my favorite things.
Cody loves candy corn.

35 weeks...and more questions

Well, I have made it to 35 weeks...I have lots of swelling in my cankles...yes, cankles, and hands, and I am just feeling really warn out all the time. Now that most everything is in order, I can keep my feet up and hopefully get a nap in once in a while.

I did get most of my Christmas shopping done and wrapped. Even I am amazed at myself. Just the few extra things left that you can't quite buy yet (the Christmas candy isn't out on the shelves).

Matt and I live in one of the best wards, dinner is brought in to us at least once a week, and I have gotten a few random calls to see about bringing in more. I cannot tell you how much I have appreciated those meals. (So for those of you who have or will be bringing us dinner...THANK YOU!!!)

Here are a few more questions we get asked...

Are you having a funeral/memorial service? Yes, we are. We are not sure about all the details yet, but it will be simple. We have such a large support system that we feel like they deserve to feel like part of the grief process also.

Matt's parent's have a burial plot at Saltese Cemetery and they have donated a small portion to the baby. It will be nice to have the baby buried next to family rather than just some random plot.

Will you go the full 40 week term? I can, but i don't think I will get that far. The doctor said that he would induce me anytime after 36 weeks. We thought about it a while back about inducing me early,but decided that we don't want to be the ones to make that decision and the baby can decide on it's own. So, we'll see what happens.

I have been "cursed" with things happening on or finding out on Holidays. My first pregnancy, I found out on Mother's Day, I then found out I would miscarry on the 4th of July, Brinley was born on Easter. We found out on Friday the 13th (I know it's not a holiday, but when we made the appointment, the lady asked if we were superstitious...well, I am now) about this baby having problems, so I figure that we will have a baby on Thanksgiving. That is just how it goes with me. oh yeah, my due date is Dec. 2nd.

Do you want to have more children? Yes, we do. Matt and I have always wanted to have a large family. I can say now that we want to try again, but we will see what the Autopsy says about genetics. I'm not sure if things will change after the baby comes. We will most likely adopt, that is something we have thought about that for years.

How do you feel around other pregnant woman and babies? I am not bothered by other pregnant woman and I love babies! I am excited for them. I can't look at them and not wonder if their baby is healthy. I am very cautious now about going up to someone who is pregnant and saying congratulations, because I don't tell everyone I meet what is going on and usually have a short to the point "are you excited?...yeah, I'm not ready though" conversation. Poor little Brinley gets a really confused look on her face when they ask her, and she usually looks to me for her answer.

I have been through a lot with miscarriages and such, that I think I am past feeling "sorry for myself", and that isn't really the feeling, it's like anger and depression and saddness and wonder all rolled into one.

When my sister Julie found out she was pregnant with Cody, I had just had a miscarriage and she felt bad telling me about it. I was happy for her, but also depressed because I just wanted a baby too. I can't explain the feeling I had. It was like I couldn't control it. I cried a lot.

That is about it for now. I am tired...always tired...and I am going to bed now. Goodnight.

4 down, 1 more to go

Last night we went to yet another Halloween party with my sister, Julie, and Cody. This time it was with Julie's ward. They had a Soup/Chili dinner, a costume parade, fun little games to play and of course, Trunk-or-Treat.

Cody HATES halloween and went dressed as Cody. I am glad Brinley really likes her costume, she still has one more night to go. Good thing it is comfy and warm. After one of the games, they gave the kids these really funny gummy eyeballs. Julie and I could not stop laughing when Cody and Brinley put them over their eyes. I think that everyone thought there was something wrong with us. There is nothing better than a good laugh...
Cody
Brinley
Me
Jujubug.

Another Halloween Party

This morning the Mom's group from church put together a little Halloween Party for the kids. They were all dressed up and very cute. Brinley went as a Ladybug. She told me that she is now my pet, except that she doesn't know what sound a ladybug makes, so she meows like a cat. She also said that she is a scary ladybug...what do you think? is she scary?

We made some fun crafts. Here is the spider. Most of the boys had a leg missing. I thought that sounded right. I always remember my brother, Jared, torturing bugs and things.We also made the candycorn/popcorn hands. They didn't last long, the kids ate most of the popcorn.This was a snack that one of the moms brought. It was really cute. Brinley liked it along with her cheese crackers and apple slices, but it seems she decided to swallow all of her food at once, then she choked on it and I had to flip her upside down and smack her back till it came out. It was a little scary, but she decided we needed a little more excitement added to the party. What is more fun than watching your child choke on food? AHHH!

I think we will have had our fill of Halloween this year. We still have two more parties to go, luckily, not on the same day.

I have kinda gone nuts this year with letting Brinley go to just about every party and event. I guess because I want her to remember having spent lots of time with me before the baby, she's been spoiled. How can you not spoil her? She will have good memories, and that's all that matters to me.

What happened to Halloween?

Tonight we went to 2 Halloween parties...oh wait, sorry, HARVEST parties. What happened to good old Halloween carnivals? I remember some of my favorite school activities were the carnivals as a kid. You dressed in your costume, they had the cake walk, guess the jelly beans in a jar, fishing game, apple bobbing, etc. We also had a parade of costumes through the school. It was great.
So we go to Brinley's school and they have a little dinner of CORNdogs, CORN, APPLE slices, APPLE jucie...we just thought it was a very harvesty meal. Then we got to decorate pumpkins. Brinley's turned out beautifully, of course.

Oh yeah, they took a family picture. Isn't it great?

Then it was off the Hutton Elementary where Cody goes to Kindergarten. The two munchkins had a blast dancing to the music, decorating an apple as a pig, frosting a cookie and playing pumpkin bowling. Not quite the way Matt remember Hutton's carnivals as a kid. (Matt actually went to Hutton and Millwood School when he was a wee lad)
Tomorrow is yet another Halloween get together, and we are letting the kids dress in their costumes. YEAH!

a pile of garbage?

So my daughter has a really funny sense of humor. This was a conversation I had with her yesterday.

Brinley: Mom?
Me: Yeah Brinley
Brinley: Mom, um, um, um, Mom...
Me: What Brinley
Brinley: I surely love you.
Me: I surely love you too.
Brinley: I surely, surely love you.
Me: I love you too, Brinley.
Brinley: Mom, I love you as much as the ocean.
Me: That's a lot Brinley, I love you as much as the whole world.
Brinley: Nu uh, because I love you that much.
Me: Okay, I love you as much as the biggest, tallest, tree.
Brinley: Mom, I love you as much as the biggest, biggest, biggest...BIGGEST pile of garbage...

Where does a kid get this stuff from. She loves me as much as garbage.

Carver Farms

Today we went to a pumpkin patch. It was cold, wet and muddy. The kids loved the mud puddles. It was fun, but I think next year we will go a little earlier in the season.

We went with a Mom's group from church and the kids that weren't in school. Brinley doesn't have preschool on Fridays.We picked colored corn. They gave us instructions on how to dry it and use it for popcorn.Mud. Brinley outgrew her boots, and go figure, i would realize this on a day that we really needed them. She usually wears them on a sunny day when there isn't a cloud in the sky. This is Brinley and her friend, Karlie, from church riding behind a tractor. her gourd.

I am a gourd... a really pregnant gourd. I think I have gained most of the weight in my face. Good thing this isn't a close up, my skin looks horrible!

Questions...

Ok, I get a lot of questions about the baby...a lot. I am posting this segment for those of you who want to ask a question and are afraid of offending me. I am HAPPY TO ANSWER ANY ONES QUESTION. I do not get offended easily, and I actually appreciate it when people don't assume things and would actually like to know the truth. No question is dumb! The most common questions are:

How do you explain this to Brinley? Well, we tell her the truth, she understands as much as a 4 year old would. She asks the same questions over and over, but she knows that the baby is going to live with Heavenly Father and Grandma Esther. She has seen the casket and I have taken her to visit grave sites of friends children. She tells people that the baby is sick. She gives the baby lots of loves and likes to draw pictures of the baby. We involve her in as much as possible. She has felt the baby move and thinks it's really cool. She will not be there for the delivery, but we will have her there to see the baby and hold the baby, if she wants to.

How do you handle everything so well? I don't... I cry a lot and there are days when I really don't feel like leaving the house, but, I still have a family to cook for, a house to clean, a daughter to take to school every morning, etc. Those are the things that get me by each day. I try to do a lot with my Brinley, crafts, baking, going to parks, games, whatever. I try to do things that we would like to do with the baby. That is why you see a lot of photos of my tummy.

I have no idea what to say to you...I can't imagine what you are going through. I get this a lot. And we appreciate all of the prayers and thoughts from everyone. I know that there are those that read my blog, and have no idea what to comment about certain postings. I know my parents get emails about us because you don't know what to say. That is okay. I wouldn't know what to say either. We are just happy to have such a big support system. So, thank you.

What are Polycystic Kidneys? This is when the kidneys have many cysts growing on them. It isn't something that can be prevented and starts really early on in development. Our baby's kidney's never did function, so they call it Potter's Sequence. Because of this, when it's time for the baby to start producing amniotic fluid, it can't. Without functioning kidneys, your body doesn't produce urine. Without amniotic fluid, the baby doesn't "breathe" in the fluid to mature the lungs. So, our baby's lungs are not developed. Baby's with this disease usually have heart problems also, like ours. There is no chance of survival and live only a few minutes, at most, outside the womb. Right now, the placenta is doing all the work that the baby should be doing. If this is a genetic disorder, then our chances are 1 in 4 of it happening again.

Can you feel the baby move? Yes...every movement. As I get farther along, the baby doesn't have as much room to move. Our baby is breech and I know where all the parts are. There is an arm right above the baby's head and I feel that the most. The baby kicks my bladder a lot too.

Will you deliver normally? As normal as a breech delivery goes. We decided against a C-section. That is not something to look forward to healing from on top of everything else. I want to be able to spend as much time with the baby as we can. A C-section will limit that for me.

Is it a boy or a girl and what is the baby's name? We have no idea what gender the baby is. We have had MANY ultrasounds and because of the lack of amniotic fluid, it has been too hard to tell. Now that the baby is breech the legs are close together and we, more that likely, won't find out until delivery. The names we have picked out are: Boy, Harrison Anthon Kunz. He would be named after my oldest brother, Harris Brian Erickson, and Matt's Grandfather, Anthon Ulrich Kunz. If it is a Girl: Olivia Kamille Kunz. She would be named after, Olivia, the pig from a children's book (Brinley's middle name, Madeline, was after the children's book), and Kami Marie Erickson, after my youngest sister.

Those are the questions I can think of right now, and as I remember which other ones we are constantly asked, I will post them.
We love you all and are so thankful for the support of our family and friends!

getting ready

Today we went on a tour of the maternity ward at Sacred Heart Women's Center. Heather, who is part of Forget Me Not and a OB Nurse there, showed us the rooms and explained to us what we would be expecting being in our situation. The rooms there are like a 5-star hotel.

This particular room is a post delivery room. The actual delivery rooms are bigger than this and they all have a jacuzzi tub. Hopefully, we will get one with a view of downtown Spokane.

We went over our birth plan also. That was tough, but something that had to be done. I think walking through the Birth Center made both Matt and I realize how little time we have to get things in order. We had been talking about inducing early and our doctor said that he would do it anytime after 36 weeks. I've decided that this baby can make it's own decision on when it wants to come. So, we are just going to wait it out. Dr. Barrong has been great and we have had a say in almost anything that has come up. There won't be monitors on the baby. If the baby goes into distress the nurses can't do anything for it, and I would rather not know if the baby didn't make it. I am also not going to be taking any kind of narcotic drug. I slept (snored) through labor with Brinley, and I wasn't too happy about it. Since I was in labor with Brinley for a total of 6 hours, I don't think this one will be much longer than that.

I have had a rough third trimester with throwing up just about everyday, any time of day. It's just been so great. The worst part is, it doesn't matter whether I have eaten something or not, but it does make it a little better when there is something there to come back up, but it makes it really hard on what I am able to eat. I have horrible indigestion and heartburn to go along with it and just about anything I eat gives it to me, including Chex cereal and drinking too much water. Oh the joys of pregnancy...

leaves are falling all around...

Brinley and I went to the Finch Arbotetum, a tree park, yesterday. I love the fall and I wanted to get some great pictures before all the leaves fall off the trees. We are expecting a storm this weekend, and with my luck, we would lose the leaves. It is only about 50 degrees here, and expected to stay that way. So poor little Brinley got really cold before we even got out of the van. She had a lot of fun collecting leaves, sticks and rocks. Cody and Julie couldn't make it this time around, but tomorrow we are going to a pumpkin patch...in the rain...should be exciting. Expect to see pictures of Brinley dressed in her winter coat, with gloves and a hat.

lots and lots of leaves.
The baby came with us. (33 1/2 weeks)


giving loves to baby.

Isn't this the coolest tree...
Climbing rocks, finding sticks.
yeah for Fall!
Brinley's leaf collection.

33 weeks, 2 days

Matt and I went to a Dr.'s appointment today. The baby's heartbeat is a good 140 beats a minute. I have been having lots of Braxton-Hicks, but that's normal for as far along as I am. I am having pains that I didn't with Brinley. Dr. Barrong was kind enough to inform us that they get worse with each pregnancy and that it's normal...Wonderful!
This weekend my parents borrowed our van to take to Utah and I had my sister, Kami's, car. I haven't driven a stick shift in I don't know how long and Friday, after running a bagillion (is that a word?) errands, felt like I was going to go into labor. I laid down all afternoon and drank a lot of water. Saturday I went to see a friend, and got into my sister's car...then it hit me that driving a clutch uses muscles that I haven't used in a long time. No wonder I was in pain!
This Thursday we are going on a tour of the maternity ward of Sacred Heart. They have a section for special cases like ours. We are also, hopefully, meeting the photographer from http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org who is going to do bereavement photos for us. It's a non-profit organization. These photographers really do an amazing job!
We have our next ultrasound on November 2nd, mainly to see the position of the baby and measurements to be sure that I wouldn't have a problem delivering the baby breech.

Mom, can I PLEASE paint your nails?

Just about everyday, my daughter asks, "Mom, can I paint your nails?". I cannot reach my feet anymore and I think I have about 4 coats of nail polish now on my toes, in different colors, just from last week. Luckily, it's not summer time and I can keep my feet covered. Although, I have been known to run to the store in flip flops...with Brinley's art on my toes. these pictures don't do the paint job justice.And, just a random picture that made me laugh...
"What are you lookin at?"

exploring manito park

We finally had a beautiful 75 degree day in Spokane. Lately it's just been a little too cold to let the kids play outside. My sister, Julie, and I took Cody and Brinley to one of our favorite parks, Manito. I realized that Julie and I matched our children clothes this day, and didn't know it. playing with bubbles.
look, we found a ladybug.
wow...bark.
i LOVE dirt!
ducks love kettle corn...who knew.
yet, another nut to love.
mom, what does this sign say?
yeah...water!
could my face look any more round? boy, i look like crap, it doesn't help that i didn't put any makeup on or that my cute sister is in the picture with me.
i love cody's face in this picture...the kids had just found some wild blueberries and squished them then wiped them all over their clothes.